My thoughts about grad

Well, my youngest brother graduated from high school today and I was subjected to the whole convocation/formal dinner gong show that goes along with it. The following thoughts have entered my mind today because I really had nothing else better to do with my time than sit there and think.

1. Speeches: Ok, cut the crap and get to the point...we do NOT need to hear about how one morning you went to get the paper and there was this birds nest and in the nest there were 'robin bird eggs' and then the birds were angry that you looked at the eggs and then you watched the eggs hatch and the birds grow.....where are you going with this? ah, some birds need to be pushed from the nest while others leave freely..and what does this have to do with the 100 dollar visual arts award you're giving away? dick all? fantastic! thats 20 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

2. Applause: Why must we applaud after everything? Kid walks on stage (applause) kid goes to where principal is (applause) kid gets award (applause) a speech...oh god no! (applause) Can't we save all the applause until everything is done an hour later? Then we can clap and clap for about 10 minutes straight if you want and maybe we'll even get a rhythem going.

3. Dinner: I must admit, being Ukrainain and having a family that has a catering business has ruined me for life. My expectations of catered food is very high..heck, Ukrainian functions generally feed 200 people for three days straight and on the third day, the left overs still taste better than the 40 dollar tripe I just swallowed. Overprocessed and no flavor...bleh! Kinda like eating at an old folks home.

4. Dates: My brother did the bone brain move of taking a date because he thought he needed one. But this poor girl has never met our family and didn't know anyone and once he got to grad...he was running around with all his buddies and basically ignored her all nite...poor girl. In conclusion, don't invite dates to functions unless they know at least one other person (the only exception is me...I'm a party in myself...hahaha)

5. Dresses: So, you spend over 1000 bucks on a dress, shoes, jewelry etc...and then only wear it from 5 - 11? Thats freaken highway robbery! and of course you'll never wear it again because its obviously a grad dress and you'll look like a total tool if you wear it out for a steak dinner...so I hope you're planning on going to a lot of weddings where you'll wear the same lilac dress...but wait...girls don't like to wear the same dress to more than one wedding occasion...well, now you've sure screwed yourself outta 1000 bucks...correction, you screwed your parents out of a 1000 bucks (disclaimer...I made my own grad dress, it looked fancy and cost me less than 100 bucks...just call me martha stewart minus the jail time)

6. Making out on the dance floor: Uh, kid...your parents are right there and so are hers! Or maybe I'm the freak for thinking that would be a little awkward....I mean, I felt awkward for them...get a room!

7. Wow, I'm old: Clue #1: Hey, he's kinda cute...and probably not even legal! God dammit Heather, now you're no better than the good ol' cougs...buuuut when I'm 30, he'll be 24...hmmmm...no! what the heck!?! Damn stupid Heather being in heat!?!?
(note: this is a word for word argument that went on in my head tonite...possibly more than once)
Clue #2: I got a phone number, and its from one of my old teachers, she's 30 but thinks I'm cool and wants to hang out...yep, I'm old...

8. Russian dancing to Great Big Sea: Something about that is just not right

9. Line Dancing and the macarena: See comment #7

10. Idiots that try to drag me on the way home: Ok, do you not notice that I'm driving with my dad? Yeah I see your fancy car and the way you're cutting me off and revving your engine while we're both at the red light and you know what I think? I think you drive a fancy car to make up for the lack of brain cells in your head and the lack of inches in your pants. Moron.

All and all...pretty much a waste of time...but its my little brothers special day so I have no choice but to suck it up and look like I'm having fun...I'm glad I have this blog that I can rant in though. :)

Now I'm going to go help at safe grad...I haven't seen this brother hammered yet so it should be amusing.